Dark Shadows

Breath... Just remember to breath... I thought this movie was... Dare I say it? ... Boring.
It frustrates me because this movie had SO much talent in it, and NONE of it was being used! Before I rant about this movie, let me tell you how I was introduced to it:

After Twilight, everyone became obsest about vampires... And after a while I saw the newspaper writing about Tim Burton and his new movie Dark Shadows. They said that he wanted to try to reintroduce us to the "old cursed vampires"... Tim, you're not BRAVE enough to do it! Sorry to say it, but you're not.

I'm not gonna get into what vampires are because everyone has their own adaptations and stuff like that and so have I so if you're curious... You probably already know what they are. So yeah, I'm not getting into that.

I can explain the plot very simple: The humans act like humans and Johnny Depp does funny poses. That's the movie for ya! Intrigued?
This movie has several plots in them that doesn't really go anywhere. There's the first and main plot that Barnabas Collins is in love with a woman and of course she loves him back, but there's this other woman who loves him too and can't see them two together so she devote her entire life to tear them apart. She has some magic behind her to help her with this task and of course a hot body to go with it.
Another plot is that the family business has collapsed and of course Barnabas don't want to his family business tear apart so he restors it.
Another plot is that Barnabas wants to fit in with this new colture that he's not familiar with because he had been inprisoned in a coffin for 200 years! Why was he inprisoned? Boy, do I wonder! They do explain it in the movie but the logic behind it was not there so I missed it!
And that's the best I can give on the plot. Here's why it doesn't work:

It's chaos! So much happens yet so little happens that it's just... No! It doesn't work! It feels like three short movies were cut together that they just calles an hour and 48 minutes long movie! In the beginning you'll see Barnabas waking up as a vampire killing people, then you see him acting weird with this new things in the world because he has slept in for 200 years! And then we see him rebuild the family business and after that we see him getting seduced by a which and he falls for it, wait what?! He's a vampire and still he falls for a human seduction? ... No, sorry, but NO! And then we have the ending... which I'm NOT gonna say here. I'll save that for the end but yeah! ... It's just chaos!

What was good with this movie? ... Wait! Let me think.... Well... Johnny Depp, as much as I don't really like him.. I must agree that he's a good actor and he really lives into every role that he has. That's the only good part with this movie. I'm do frustrated because there was so much talent behind this movie and NONE of it was being used... Absolutely none of it!

When I watched Alice in Wonderland, the Tim Burton version, I said that Johnny Depp can do better. This was actually giving me satisfactory with his performans. He gave his all into this role and that was great to see... For everybody else in this movie... I felt they were just thrown away just so Johnny could shine even more. Well, OK, Eva Green gave it her all too and that was a great performance also, but still... It was such a waste of talent! Helena Bonham Carter, I love her, she has a lot of talent but... Non of it were shown in this movie. Michelle Pfeiffer, her performance in Stardust was excellent! Not so much in this movie.. Christopher Lee is also wonderful talented in everything he does and.. The screen time he gets is lesser than it was in Sleepy Hollow! Danny Elfman does the music! ... He does the music for the climax anyway! In the other part of the movie there's just constant pop songs! Waste of talent!

I also felt like this story wasn't made from its characters... The story made the characters, which made them stiff. I felt like I was watching plastic dolls moving around the sets that a recorded uninterested voice spoke for them! The characters was as dull as my wardrobe door, flat and colorless. They had backstories and actions, but no reasons for their actions. They had no personalities and to watch a doll drift around on the set... It becomes pretty boring pretty fast. This movie had no purpose. The characters had no purpose other than to be funny.. Ever tried to be funny to your friends? It never works. Those things comes naturally not when you're trying to be funny! If you have no characters you have no story! The story comes from the character NOT the other way around! No matter how much you try to do that!

Without purpose the scenes that are put together doesn't matter so why should I be invested in a thing that doesn't matter? There were so many things that just seemed they were thrown together in the last minute! The main plot which should be about Barnabas and the woman that he loves right? This movie concentrates on Barnabas and the woman who seduces him. Victoria, the woman he loves, get's SO little screen time. We see her in the beginning getting introduced to the family, we see her getting introduced to Barnabus, we see her for a five second long shot with the popsong singing, we see her kissing Barnabas, we see her in the ending... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!! Develope her character! Develope their love!!! I hate when, in books, characters get together just because the author wants them to get together! NO! Give the character life! How do you do that? Get the character to ask questions! Why are we humans? Because we ask questions, that's how it works! Do something with it!!! That's were the audience can get sucked in by the story because the character feels something because it asks questions.
And then we have the part where the father cheats with another woman and Barnabas gives him one choice: Either be the kind of father his children diserves or leave and never come back. The father leaves... Nothing came out of that scene! The son cries for one scene and then he's back to normal, his actions doesn't change or anything... He didn't have a personality to begin with so why would he get some personality now?!
And then there's this... In the climax, in the beginning of it (don't need spoiler alert because it won't spoil anything for you, I promise) we discover that their daughter has been a warewolf this whole time.... Why? .... Why? .... WHY?! They do explain it, but the explaination is SO weak and... Why haven't this been seen earlier? Why haven't we seen this before and no.. NO! That's NOT a WAREWOLF!!!! What happened to the good old warewulfs?! I'm not a warewolf fan, never was, but... I still don't want to see those warewolves be forgotten. But anyway! Sidetrack! I think they mentioned it ONCE and it was during a popsong so... That doesn't count! Why was she a warewolf? It doesn't make sense! You didn't need it!

I think I've gone through everything... The bigger things that disturbed me anyway. Now I'll be talking about the ending. If you haven't seen the movie yet and doesn't want anything spoiled for you, stop read here. Here I go..

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!
The climax... If I tell you it's nothing but chaos will you believe me? THE REST OF THE MOVIE IS NOTHING BUT CHAOS SO WHY WOULDN'T THE CLIMAX BE NOTHING BUT CHAOS?!!!!!!!!!!! ... Breath... Remember to breath.. First it's the fight between Barnabas and the which like it should be. And I was finally recognizing Danny Elfmans music that just gives me shivers everytime I listen to it... Then a gun comes in the way. A woman that owns the Cullins house shoots the which and says "Get out of my house!" ... Did I really just hear that cliché line? I thought we were passed that line. And yeah, then their daughter shows up and she's a warewolf.. She get's killed in a second... OK, we don't see if it kills her but she faints or something! And you know what stops the climax? Not Barnabas, no no... He's a vampire! He's not a hero in this movie! He doesn't stop the evil which no no! ... Turns out the son to the father who left have been talking to his ghost mother the entire movie and it's the ghost mother who we have NOT seen before.. SHE'S the one who kills the which! ... Kind of. I wanted to strangle the movie when I saw that! The climax is as long as Optimus Primes fight with the Fallen and SO many characters gets in the way of it... That just frustrates me!
And then Barnabas goes after Victoria to stop her to commit suicide (it's a whole story), but yeah.. He doesn't really success and in the fall he turns her into a vampire... There is no way in HELL he had the time to bite her, suck her blood until she was near death and then give her his blood in that fall! No way in hell! Also they forgot a small little detail.. Her mouth didn't have ONE drop of blood around it! So not only must he have had the time to turn her, he also had the time to wipe her mouth?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!! Why didn't she die?! The movie would be SO much better if she had died! Then I wouldn't be as frustrated at it as I am! Then the movie would've had some kind of dignity! But NO! We have to make the whole movie a clichéd joke! Why?!

This movie made me so frustrated it made me cry. I have NEVER felt so bad about a movie before. I have NEVER cried out of frustration for a movie before in my entire life! It just felt like a waste of time for all those people who worked on it. They're talented people! Why not make something good?!
Maybe you think I'm being unfair, but this is really how I feel. You're here because you want to know what my feelings towards this movie was, I'm just giving you that. What you think about the movie is up to you.

.. So frustrated! I'm gonna watch something I like now! Bye for now! And Happy Halloween!!

Men In Black 3

This movie... I didn't really like it, but it was OK. Also I'm angry with it... Yeah! So now I'm gonna tell you in more detail, but first a look back!

Men In Black 1
I secretly liked it at first but I was scared of it. I was really frightened when I was a child and I sat with my family, my mother and my brother, and saw this film at home. My mother liked it, my brother loved it, I liked it, but was scared of it. Now when I'm older.... Loving it! The soundtrack is much better in the movie than just listening to it, Danny Elfman has done a fantastic job as always. The acting is top! I love the man who's playing the bug because he is doing a splendid job here! The colors, the make up, the special effects are all so fantastic! The characters are great also, the partnership between K and J.. Do I even have to mention it because everybody knows it and loves it. Tommy Lee Jones always so fantastic and Will Smith as well! The story is just another perspective, a what if story, what if there were aliens on earth and why we don't know about it.. is because someone is hiding them. That's the story, but why it's so good is because we're introduced to another world through the characters and we follow them in their "every day life"... Yeah! Why this movie was scary for me was because of the performance of the bug and the make up they gave him. That's why I love him today because he is so believable! Anyway! I'm babbling here so I'm gonna move on to the next movie!

Men In Black 2
I've always liked this movie. When I was a child and this one came out I watched this because it was more "kid friendly"... It was! It was more humor, no scay man where a bug wears a humans skin. Instead we have a woman that you can see walking down the street.... If you're lucky. Who isn't the least bit scary. She has a sex appeal... Yay! Anyway! I'm trying to remember right now what she wanted... But I don't really remember.... So we're skipping that part, watch the movie if you're curious. But yeah, this one was more "kid friendly" with more humor and stuff like that... Instead of K we now get Franky and... no.. He's just in it for comedy.. Last movie was just J for the comedy, but around him was pretty much all seriousness... In Men In Black 2... J isn't the only one that's funny! So yeah, but I still liked it, I still do because the comedy is still contained and funny. It never get's emberassed funny like they can do.. And yeah, I like the worms in this one. Anyway!

I'm not actually here to talk about Men In Black 1 and 2... I'm just telling you my oppinion on the previous movies so here goes.. The one I'm gonna talk about... Men In Black 3.

The story is something like this: J and K are partners, K get's threaten by someone he injurnerd and put to jail a while ago. That someone travels back into the past and kills off K. J is the only one that knows about the "other future" that might have happened if K survived his future threat. So he has to go back to the past and save K. Also he has to save the planet from an invasion.

Like many third sequels this one tries to follow up the first movie... But they forget about the details! That's this movie MAIN problem. They don't take up the details. Like the opening: When I first saw it, I sat back and the movie began.. I heard the original soundtrack and I got goosebumps. I was screaming at the screen "That's how you begin a Men In Black movie!" ... Then the visuals didn't match up... How did the other two began? The first one began in space, and then we follow the camera to a dragonfly that's flying on the road while the music is playing and showing off the credits and then the bug dies on the window to a car. Perfect! The other movie starts first with a backstory on a TV screen, then a shot in space as the original soundrtack is playing and we follow a spaceship flying through the universe and destroys planets. Then it lands on earth, let's out a... alien who then scares a dog. Great! ... Not this movie.. It starts with a prison escape on moon... All I could think to myself was: TRANSFORMERS! Transformers 3 were on the moon, the story came from the moon... Did Men In Black run out of ideas so they had to steal from Transformers?

Details is the most important thing to remember, it can ruin a whole movie if you miss them. Just asking a couple of questions... If K dies 40 years ago, how could he have recruited J? K was the one who came to the police office and talked to J about his alien accounter, after that they went out and talked about something that only K would talk about then they went out and had a talk and it was after THAT that K told James about the Men in Black. Only K could have done this thing because J and him have this conection that started from the beginning. So... If he didn't do it, who did? The day when K disappears, everybody didn't know who K was, but they did know him... Why? It doesn't make sense..

There's all these other stuff that K did that would happen if he died before the first movie so... I don't get it, but! Moving on! The main problem with this movie is that J has become a symbol, not a character. K has become a symbol not a characters... These are not characters anymore like they were in the first one and half of the second one... They are just tools that are trying to follow a path that happened years ago! J has no other purpose than being funny. K has no other purpose than being broody... It's not very interesting to watch.
K was a fast talking guy that tried to have fun but was always interrupted by his job, by the things he know. Like in the restaurant where J and K meet for the second time to have pie, he is laughing! Hard laughing, but then he has to come back to reality and that's why he's brooding. He can't enjoy life anymore because he had to give up his dreams, his family everything he enjoyed in life because he knew too much. That's why he wanted to forget everything and trained J to take over for him. In the third movie... He's brooding because he's K and he does that! .. I'm just.. Why doesn't K ask J again to make him forget his life with the Men In Black? Why isn't he angry that J never can do anything for himself? He had a chance for a normal life and J took him back from it because he needed help... I would be angry, if I've been brooding for sooooo long and then I'm finally rewarded with another life and then someone takes it away from me.. I would be like: "Fine! I'll help save the world for one last time... again! But then I want a freaking big vecation and a restrainingorder from the Men In Black!"

Men In Black worked because of the monsters and the characters.. If none of them work.. What else do you have left?
Also there was another thing that they forgot about the Men In Black.. They're secrete! J originally was from the police and then acted like a police would do, shoot the bad guy if he was a threat, shoot at the car to get him to slow down. That's why K taught him that he couldn't do that with these weapons. Far too many people would notice and they could only live a happy life if they didn't know that alien existed!
They really ignore that sentence here! "They have one of these neuralyzer that they use all the time!" ... No they didn't. That was used in special cases and interviews. NOT so they could do whatever they wanted!

Now I'm just gonna talk about the small details that drove me nuts but aren't that important so... If you don't care about that, go see the movie and make up your own oppinion. Have fun watching!

Yeah! So... Details... First one was Z dies and there's a funeral. At this funeral K speaks and it doesn't really makes sense, but what doesn't makes MORE sense is that the one that takes Z's place is starting to talk an alien language... The most annoying part is that J gets surprised and can't seem to understand her... YOU DID THE SAME THING!!! Did you forget? You did the beatbox thing with the aliens in the post office when you were getting K! Why are you surprised when another member from the MIB are ding the same thing?
The second thing! The elevator... No, this is interesting! They've been upgrading the elevator from the second movie, in the first and second movie it was a regular elevator with a front and back door, but now they've upgraded it into a glass, round elevator that only opens in the front..... I think. The thing about details is... you have to think about them. Why would they have that glass elevator in the 1969?! I don't blame them for keeping up the technology with the weapons and stuff because they could have gotten that from the aliens. If they had that elevator in the 1969, why switch it to a box elevator then?! And then keep it until year 2012... or whatever that year was? It just... It doesn't make sense.
The third thing! The technolgy... They have the same guns, the have the same elevator... But they don't have hyperspeed in the cars? ... WHAT?! You know what we get instead? Jetpacks... No no! Not the kind of jetpacks in Spy Kids and GTA, no! These are bigger, I don't really know how to explain them, but they're as tall as a human and you kan stand on them and they're half a orb... Ish. If you can build those jetpacks... Why couldn't you build a little red button that takes you into hyperspeed in the cars! Oh! And you know what else they got? Motorcycles that.... No! I can't... This is too much! The logic has gone to outer space and then exploded while crashing into the alien ship that attack the creators brain while making this movie!

... Details people. Can be fateful. Bye for now!